Booger-Green, Slime, Kale Smoothie (Raw, Vegan)

November 5, 2013

This kale smoothie is IN YOUR FACE.

lillian's test kitchen

Clearly, this isn’t really made of boogers and slime. It’s made of kale, bananas, cashews and dates mostly. But whenever people talk about green drinks, they always try to avoid the fact that no matter how delicious they are, they look disgusting. Well, NO MORE.

Tess of Healthy Blender Recipes (who came up with this incredible recipe) calls it a Raw, Vegan Creamy “Pistachio Ice Cream” Kale Shake. But with the idea of leaning in to the grossness of the color, I decided to call my very slight adaptation of her recipe, The¬†Booger-Green, Slime, Kale Smoothie.

It think my version sounds much more appetizing. ūüėČ

Make it for your children who love to be grossed out. Don’t tell them until they’re 15 that their favorite booger smoothie was actually incredibly healthy and made of kale.

Make it for yourself when you have kale to use up and just cannot make yourself eat one more stir fry. That’s what I’m doing tonight. In fact, these days, the only way I eat kale regularly is by drinking it.

lillianstestkitchen raw kale smoothie

lillianstestkitchen slimed

By the way, if you want to see something truly ridiculous, watch the episode to the very end. And then watch THIS. You will not be disappointed.

4.0 from 1 reviews
Booger-Green, Slime, Kale Smoothie (Raw, Vegan)
Cuisine: healthy/delicious fuision
No boogers were used in the making of this recipe.
  • ½ cup filtered water
  • ½ cup raw cashews (soak them if you want, I didn't)
  • pinch celtic sea salt
  • ⅓ heaping cup of pitted dates (I used 5)
  • 1 inch peeled fresh ginger
  • 2 frozen bananas
  • 1 cup or 3 leaves of curly kale
  • 1 cup of ice
  1. Put it all in the blender (I use a vitamix)
  2. blend
  3. DRINK


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About the Author ()

Lillian's Test Kitchen is an online cooking web series. The recipes in this series are always grain-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, and cane sugar-free. The recipes are also all (at this point) paleo. Some are vegan. Some are raw. I use the best ingredients I can find (and afford). But Lillian's Test Kitchen is not so much about food as it is about the experience of trying something you have never tried before and then finding the joy, comedy and laughter in those small moments in spite of and also often, because of dietary restrictions. My goal is to inspire others to take their health into their own hands and make their own food.

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  1. Play With Your Food : Lillian's Test Kitchen | November 5, 2013
  1. jenn in GA says:

    love me some kale smoothie! try breaking up your bananas before you freeze them, and by all means add more kale! you could’ve probably added half again what the recipe calls for and still not tasted it. here’s the smoothie i have daily (in my Vitamix too–they are so awesome!):

    2-3 C. spinach
    1 C. almond milk (vanilla unsweetened)
    3-5 dates
    1/2 frozen banana, broken in half
    2 T. almonds
    2 T. cocoa powder (the 4th and 5th date are if you find the cocoa to make the drink less sweet than you’d like)

    blend the heck out of it! so so so so good! i also add 1 T. of protein powder from time to time.

    • lillianmedville says:

      Wow. Thanks for the cocoa spinach recipe! I’ll have to try it as soon as I have some good spinach!

  2. I always thought slime looked cold when people were doused on Nickelodeon! Nice work!

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